8 months ago, you dared to touch me.
8 months ago, you dared to kiss me.
8 months ago, you promised me forever.
8 months ago, you discarded me.
I’m very angry with you, I wouldn’t say I hate you, because I still value the little giddy feelings you stirred within me, though short-lived.
Reality is, I gave you a part of me and if I hate you, i’d also be hating myself, you’d think all this was just my misplaced anger, but it’s really not.
There is a big part of me that really wants to hurt you the way you hurt me,leave you gasping for air, pained deep within your soul with the mascara running down your pretty face blinding you, leave you reliving those 48 hours of pure misery and self pity, wallowing inside your bedroom unable to ingest a morsel of food, screaming at the reflection of your filthy self in your teak wood mirror, breaking it with ease without a care that your mother lovingly got it for you.
I never got an answer as to why you did what you did to me, of why you toyed with me, why you led me to believe in fairy tales and knights, believe in forever believe in love.
you infiltrated me with your lies.
like a sharp dagger slicing through my fragile skin oozing blood until the metal hit my bones, clattering against it while I fell to my knees looking into your eyes without a slight hint of remorse or guilt, that smirk. Oh your beautiful smirk, I fell for that smirk didn’t I? I fell for you didn’t I? I fell for your games didn’t I? fell into your trap didn’t I?
I did, I did your laughter is proof, your laughter was my favorite sound, your laughter was everything your laughter took away my everything, you left me shattered like the glass of my broken teak wood mirror, inside my bedroom, unable to ingest a morsel of food.
you will never be able to compensate for the deep emotional gash you put into my soul, the seriousness of the damage you inflicted upon my poor poor 15 year old soul, my gullible silly little, naive little 15 year old soul. My slutty little 15 year old soul is it? yes, your slut wasn’t I? that’s what you referred me to be, among your friends, a little joke wasn’t I? a little fun wasn’t I? I was, I was a seductive challenge until you went back to seattle to your little hotshot town with hotshot people at a hotshot college.
“shoulda seen this coming honeybun” shoulda seen this coming, I should’ve I should’ve yet I didn’t.
Perhaps, it’s a fault of my own, a fault of ours, a little mistake is what you called it, it wasn’t a mistake, it was the sound of my heart, the pounding the incessant thundering as you ripped my veins my arteries and tied me down, bound me to my own bleeding heart, you walked away from me satisfied with my innocence in your hands, you left me to grow up in one night, all my dreams shattered. you promised me forever, you kept your promises didn’t you?
You, will forever be embedded deep within my soul, as a scar, as a mark, as a mistake, as I sleep every night in my bedroom staring at the wall, that held my little teak wood mirror, i’m able to ingest my food again. But not without wincing every little time my mother asks about you. She doesn’t have to know what you did,
no one has to know.